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'If we're going down, you're going down with us.' This comment was of course, directed at the pale jounin.

The long-haired special jounin didn't know it, but the reason his skull wasn't fractured in eight distinct places was because Kakashi was still holding on to the highly befuddled Iruka-sensei and couldn't quite bring himself to release the caramelly warmth emanating from the younger man. Kakashi did however, twitch quite fervently in his restraint.

'Ka-Kashi-san?' inquired Iruka, dark doe-eyes wide open with a beguiling mix of confusion and astonishment as he watched Genma catatonically rock back and forth on the threadbare couch. I'm-holding-my-head-in-my-hands-don't-ask-me-why-Raido in turn, was kneeing on the cracked living room floor making small goldfish-like whimpering noises. If goldfish could whimper that is.

'Kashi-san,' whispered the young sensei again, thoughtfully trying not to further provoke the two shell-shocked special jounin, 'There's- what's wrong with Genma-san and Raido-san?' Iruka's tanned, slender hands had slipped under the front of jounin's loosely worn shirt. His blunt fingernails unconsciously and oh-so-lightly scratching at the pale skin beneath.

To and fro. Back and forth. Tickling. Teasing. Oddly in time with Genma's rocking motion.

Kakashi's tummy twitched.

Kakashi's blue eye grew heavy. He blinked, sharply shaking his head.

The jounin's pale, pale hands grabbed onto Iruka's shoulders and pushed him towards the I'm-now-pulling-my-artfully-disheveled-hair-in-an-aggrieved-manner-don't-ask-me-why-Raido.

'Coffee!' The copy-nin growled out.

'What?' squeaked Iruka stumbling slightly forward. He turned and shot the jounin another befuddled look. This time it was one that was tinged with hurt at being so summarily shoved away from his Kashi-san.

'What?' meeped Genma from the couch.

Raido who continued to rub his head, aggrieved, gave no response.

'Coffee!' Repeated the jounin. 'They need coffee. They haven't had coffee. I've been a bad host Ruka. They must have coffee.'

'Co-coffee?' stammered the chuunin looking more adorably bewildered than ever. Kakashi's formidable will-power quivered piteously.

'I don't want coffee,' moaned the previously spiked, now mussed-haired jounin crouched on the floor. 'I don't even like coffee.'

Genma on the other hand, perked up immediately.

'Spliced with vanilla?' he chirped, hopeful.

'Yes. Yes. Whatever,' snapped the jounin, 'Raido knows where it's kept. Go with Raido ne Ruka-kun?' It should be noted that the jounin's deep voice softened considerably when he addressed Ruka-kun.

'Me?' questioned Raido, his mussed head shooting up. 'But I don't even lik-'

'GO!' yelled Kakashi.

'Well, you don't have to be a bitch about it,' snipped Raido, dark hair automatically re-spiking in his ire. 'Come along Iruka-sensei. Let's go make coffee for the men.'

Throwing the pale jounin a decidedly miffed look, Raido grabbed onto the young sensei and hauled Iruka into the kitchen.

If any of the jounin were paying attention, they would have noticed that Iruka-sensei did not look pleased. In fact, he looked pretty much like he would if an errant jounin had handled in a crumpled, incomplete and unstapled mission report. But then, none of the jounin were paying attention to Iruka at that moment.

Once they were gone Kakashi immediately turned to the remaining special jounin and sat down next him on the couch.

'Ok, here's the plan,' said the copy-nin.

'You have a plan?' Genma was surprised. No wonder Kakashi was hailed as a tensai.

'You and Raido head back to your place and grab a camera. A digital one if you have it.'

'A digital camera?'

'Yes. Then get your asses back here and use it to take photos of me and Iruka going at it.'

'Take...photos.'

'Yes. Or do you think a short film would be better?'

'A...a short film....Of you...And Iruka.'

'Yes.'

'Going...at...it.'

'Yes.'

Genma continued to sit still for a moment, doing nothing more than stare at the pale man next to him, lost in thought. Suddenly, he stood up and crouched between Kakashi's legs, reaching out with both hands, he grabbed the jounin's unmasked face, pulling it towards him, pressing his cheek against the jounin's forehead.

'The fuck?' growled Kakashi, at first too stunned to move but recovering well enough to shove the other man away.

'You don't seem feverish,' muttered Genma almost to himself as he lay sprawled out on the thread bare carpet. He glanced up curiously at the highly irritated man still seated on the couch. 'Are your pupils dilated? Sometime overly vigorous sex can cause a concussion you know. You may be having an aneurysm. Maybe we should-' The long-haired ninja against stretched out his hands towards Kakashi again.

'Get the fuck away from me,' said the jounin, pushing the offending limbs away from his hot pale self. He stood up.

'You don't have to be such a bitch about it,' sniffed Genma, offended, 'I was just trying to be nice.' He pushed himself up and stood, brushing away flecks of offending lint from his own hot honey-colored self.

'Get the camera, take the damn photos and use them to threaten Gai.'

'What? Like chase him around waving it at him? You think he's afraid of porn?' scoffed the special jounin. Actually now that Genma thought about it, there was something about Gai that just...He froze.

'Ne Kakashi, do you think that Gai is a-' Genma's head swiveled around cautiously, he lowered his voice, leaned in towards Kakashi and whispered, 'a virgin?'

Kakashi reared back from the other man immediately. 'What? What the hell is wrong with you? Of course he's not a-' The jounin broke off abruptly.

He blinked.

He frowned.

He blinked again, sharingan whirling madly.

'There's no way Gai's a ?' Kakashi voice trailed off as he gagged slightly.

'How do you know?' taunted the special jounin. The beginnings of a slow, sensual smirk starting to form on his lips.

'I DON'T KNOW!' yelled the copy-nin. 'Stop thinking about Gai that way. He's, he's too GREEN.'

Genma continued to grin. It was good to know that the infamous Sharingan Kakashi could get just as rattled as the next human being. But the power of Gai was not to be underestimated. Nor for that matter, was the power of mini-Gai. Yes, Lee had definite potential.

'Take the damn photos, show them to Gai and tell him if he doesn't shut up about you guys spying on Ruka and me, you'll post the pictures up on konoha_steamyhotchuunins.com for all the world to see,' continued Kakashi choosing to ignore the smirking man. 'He adores Iruka, he won't let that happen.'

Genma thought about it for a moment. Well, in truth he thought about a lot of things. Mostly he thought about konoha's steamy hot chuunins. Then abruptly clearing his throat and shifting about uncomfortably, Genma declared,

'Er, yes, good one. Sne...sneaky. I like it.'

'Thanks'

Both men smiled.

'So what will you be doing in the meantime?' asked Genma.

Kakashi rolled his eye. 'Having sex,' replied the copy-nin. The 'duh' was left unsaid but echoed clearly though the well-lived in living room.

'So while Raido and I out running your designated errands, you'll be getting it on with December's steamy hot chuunin of the month.'

'Yes.' Kakashi seemed pleased with himself. Iruka had faced some stiff competition that month. December was always a fiercely contested month. But his Ruka had won, hands down. Still, now that the sensei was his, he was removing Iruka from the list of potential candidates permanently. The last thing he needed was more voyeurs in his life. Perverts, the lot of them. Especially the damn jounin.

'I'll send Raido.' Genma declared.

'You'll both go,' ground out the pale man, glaring.

'I don't have to listen to you.' Them were fighting words.

'You both go or you don't get to look later.'

There was a pause as Genma's mind weighed and balanced his options. He came to a decision quickly enough. He was nothing if not pragmatic.

'Soooo we'll get the camera, snap a few photos, look, look, then watch some more. And then it's off to threaten the green beast?'

'That's the plan.'

'Sounds good.'

Both men smiled again.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In the meantime in a kitchen not too far away...

'Raido-san.' Iruka's tone was beguilingly soft and infinitely polite.

'Yes Iruka-sensei?' replied the scarred man, distracted. He was opening the cupboard and shifting through the numerous bottles of gourmet coffee that Kakashi possessed.

'Why do you know where it's kept?' Still silkily soft. Still painfully polite.

'Huh?' Raido scratched the back of his head, his scar crinkling in concentration. Which was the bottle Kakashi had scooped from previously? The red? No...that was mocha....the blue? No...Or was it the- Oh look, tea. So the jounin did have some tea in this god-forsaken-

'Why did Kashi-san say that you know where is coffee is kept?' The tone was still light, airy even. Iruka had picked up a pair of wickedly sharp chopsticks that Kakashi kept in a tin next to his other utensils. The sensei twirled the wooden objects slowly between his fingers. Skillfully. Adept.

'What?' replied the other man still vaguely preoccupied. Just then, Raido felt an odd sensation at the back of his neck. A strange prickling. Years of finely honed shinobi skills immediately fired warning signals straight from his brain to the rest of his body. It was a sensation many jounin who held woefully deficient mission reports in their hands were familiar with. He tensed. Slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements, he turned to face the ominous presence behind him.

Iruka's dark eyes were glinting. Narrowed. The wooden sticks he deftly spun between his tapered fingers whirled around with startling intensity. Faster and faster. Almost too fast for the eye to see.

Raido's jaw dropped at the same time his groin clenched.

SO HOT.

'Do you pay Kashi-san visits,' The sensei paused and slinked closer to the frozen jounin, 'often?' His voice was still soft, coy, toying.

'Errr...' Raido stuttered, unable to take his eyes of the sharp whirling wooden sticks. 'Genma-'

'Genma pays Kashi-san visits,' The chopsticks snapped still immediately, 'often?'

'Er...yea-'

The sensei's dark eyes flashed, startling the special jounin before he could complete his sentence. Raido blinked again, inching away, bracing his arms against the sturdy counter behind him. 'I mean NO! NO! It's just that they both like coffee you know, so they-'

He wasn't allowed to finish before Iruka interrupted.

'Because if you and Genma-san have so much free time to pay full-fledged jounin's special visits, don't you think your time would be better spent on working to achieve full-jounin status yourselves?'

'Er...well...' Raido could feel beads of perspiration beginning to form on his brow.

'Or haven't the two of you acquired sufficient A and S-ranked missions to qualify?'

'No...well, you see-' The back of the special jounin's shirt was starting to dampen slightly as well. A bead of sweat was slowing inching its way down Raido's leanly muscled back, down toward the curve of his sweetly pert butt. He shivered.

'Because I can arrange it so that you'll complete the stipulated number of missions, In. No. Time. The Sand country is always requesting for competent Konoha jounin.'

With a quick flick of his wrist, Iruka nonchalantly shot the pair of chopsticks back into their original slots in the metal casing. Soundless. None of the other chopsticks in the tin even wavered, so perfect was the sensei's aim.

'Nooooo...' Raido was having difficulty breathing.

'Ruka?' Kakashi's lean form appeared at the entrance of the kitchen. The equally sleek form of Genma sauntered a short distance behind. 'You couldn't find the coffee?'

Raido's entire body sagged in relief. His eyes closed, exhaling, he slumped even further. Genma, he noticed, gave him a curious look. Raido shook his head sharply as the long-haired man cocked a curious brow, making his way over to his lover. It was so not the time to ask.

'Kashi-san!' chirped the chunnin immediately, the dark aura around him evaporating as if it never was. He slinked over to the jounin and wound his arms around Kakashi's waist. 'Gomen. I didn't know where the coffee was.' Iruka's tone was doleful, apologetic. His full lower lip pouting slightly.

'Eh?' Kakashi shot Raido a dark look, 'Raido knows.' Automatically the copy-nin snuggled the slightly shorter man closer, pressing a soft kiss into the chuunin's still mussed hair. Iruka sighed contentedly and wriggled even closer.

'Does he?' murmured the younger man. He turned from where his face was buried in Kakashi's neck to peer at the special jounin in question. He smiled.

Raido tensed again.

'I told him to show you.' Kakashi was irritated. All this time alone in the kitchen with his Ruka with nary a cup to show for it, what the hell was Raido up to? If he found out that the scarred man was behaving in anyway untoward toward his Ruka...

'Doesn't matter,' replied Iruka turning his face up toward the jounin, his lips quirking happily. 'You can show me.'

'Hmm....yeah...maybe later,' murmured Kakashi, his exposed eye grew shuttered as he felt the sensei press even closer to him. His hand pulled impatiently and slipped under the sensei's untucked, rumpled shirt. Kakashi's fingers trailed over the span of warm smooth flesh he found there, caressing, stroking.

Iruka's nose nudged against the jounin's chin, his lips brushing lightly over the pale sensitive skin just beneath Kakashi's jaw. Genma was sure he saw the copy-nin shudder.

'In fact, let's rearrange all your cupboards,' whispered Iruka pausing to press a kiss at Kakashi's jawline before breaking away, once again turning to look at the still frozen special jounin. The sensei continued to allow a small smile to linger on his lips, his dark eyes luminous.

Raido gurgled and reached out to clutch at Genma's hand. The long-haired man frowned. The hell?

'What?' replied the copy-nin, distracted. 'Rearrange my what?' The deliciously tight sensation that was streaking through Kakashi's lower belly was wreaking havoc on his concentration. Tingling, heating, clenching. Cupboards? Kakashi's wandering hand paused abruptly, earning him a slightly disgruntled whimper from the sensei in his arms.

Iruka turned back to his jounin, tilted his face up and smiled tumultuously at Kakashi. With just a hint of shyness, he bit into his lower lip, dimpling. 'Can I?' asked the sensei, 'Please?' Iruka exhaled slowly, his warm breath tickling the jounin's neck. He breathed, 'Pleaaaase Kashi-san?'

'Uhhhhhh...ok.' What the hell, if Ruka wanted to reorganize his cupboards, Ruka would damn well get to reorganize his cupboards. He could even do the drawers if he wanted. Under the sink too. Unable to help himself the jounin leaned down and caught Iruka's parted lips in a quick hard kiss. And another, more lingering this time with just a hint of wetness. And another, with just a taste of tongue.

'Kashi-san!' Blushed the sensei, he pulled away, bashfully turning to look at the two enraptured men behind them. Iruka's lower lip was damp; the back of his shirt was completely untucked now.

'Oi, Genma,' said Kakashi. His eye never left Iruka's face even as he addressed the long-haired man.

'Uh...yes?' replied Genma, sounding slightly strangled. He twitched.

'Don't you have something you need to do?' drawled the lean, pale man. His light blue eye had darkened, dilated, unfocused. He sounded slurred.

'Not really,' answered the special jounin. He immediately blanched at the look Kakashi shot him. Quite amazing really how the single silver-flecked eye could go from drowsy to murderous in a split second. 'Oh right. Yes. I do have something I need to do. Yes. Silly me.' Grabbing on to Raido's clammy hand, he tugged saying, 'Let's go Raido.'

'But I wanna watc-'

'LET'S GO RAIDO!' Burst Gemna tugging even harder. But Genma being Genma couldn't resist adding, 'Er...we'll look in on you guys later.'

Genma was pretty sure he heard Kakashi snarl just as he and Raido 'bapth-ed' out of the jounin's kitchen.

Oh well.

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