The Date

The Date
By Kielle
1972-2005

Written in the hey-day of the new X-Factor, back when life was good and Peter David was God. :) If anyone out there actually wants to take a at what actually HAPPENS on this particular blind date (any rating), I would LOOOOVE to see it. In fact, I'd probably even want to put it up on my website! Any takers? ;)

The characters and setting of this tall tale (pun intended) are the sole undisputed property of Marvel, and I ain't gonna make any money from this silly little scribble. It's not my fault they never thought of such a cool story idea on their own. Nothing gets destroyed and no one comes back from the dead, sorry kids! Oh, and hey, Marvel? BRING BACK STRONG GUY!!!!!!!!!

“Lorna, have I ever told you how much I LOVE green hair? I mean, I REALLY love green hair. It looks great. What kind of shampoo do you use?”

Lorna Dane pushed a tangle of green curls out of her eyes and looked sharply up from the spy novel she was reading. "Okay, Jamie, what do you want," she said resignedly.

Jamie Madrox managed a struck, innocent look, but the up-to-something twinkle in his brown eyes ruined the effect. As usual. "Me? Want? Why, I was just..."

With a sigh, Lorna set the novel on her knees with one slim finger holding her place. "Just ask so I can get on with this book, okay? I don't feel like putting up with your shenanigans today."

"Well, if you put it that way..." Her teammate immediately became all business. "I need you to do me a little favor. Call this number and ask for Jennifer. Then tell her..."

"You in trouble?" Lorna asked, not letting him finish.

"No, actually, I'm setting up a blind date for Guido."

Lorna narrowed her eyes at him. "This isn't a joke, is it? Are you setting him up with one of the Hell's Belles or a lady MLFer or something like that? I wouldn't put it past you to..."

Jamie threw up his hands in self-defense. "Hey, no way! Guido's my buddy! This is a GREAT match for him! It's just for a nice night on the town, dinner, a chance to swap stories..."

Lorna cut him off. "So if it's so clean-cut, why do *I* have to call her for you...?"

Jamie looked at his toes sheepishly. "Well, um, she knows me pretty well, and uh, I'm afraid she'll, um...”

"Mmmmm? What? She'll what?"

"Uh, think I'm setting HER up for a joke."

"Mmmm hmm. Okay. I'll trust you this once, Madrox. If you're pulling my leg, I'll let Guido pound you into paste. ALL of you, dupe by screaming dupe." Lorna raised a hand, and the cordless telephone flitted across the room to land in her hand, yanked from the kitchen counter by her magnetic pull. "Got it?"

"Got it, Polaris ma'am. Now, dial THIS number..."


Across X-Factor's team headquarters at that exact same moment, another Jamie Madrox was waiting impatiently outside a bathroom door.

"C'mon, Guido, I'm telling you, she's gorgeous AND smart AND has a personality you wouldn't believe! And she's really your type, I'm serious."

"You mentioned a boyfriend," a voice boomed from within the bathroom, over the shower's spray. "And I'm still seeing Sean, remember?"

"It's okay," Jamie called back. "The boyfriend is out of town, and I STILL don't believe you're seeing Sean Young on the side. Besides, this would just be a nice dinner date. No shenanigans. I'm not really setting you up for romance, more like for a good new friend."

"But I'm paying for the food, right?"

"I guess so. That's the polite thing to..."

"Then it IS a date." Inside, the water stopped running and Jamie could hear the shower stall door racket open and thump against the tile behind it. Hard. "This doesn't sound like such a hot idea."

Jamie shrugged -- rather needlessly, as his only audience was some dirty laundry piled outside the bathroom door. "Aw, come ON, don't you trust me on this?"

The door opened with a billow of steam. Guido looked down at him from about three feet over Jamie's head, his only wisp of hair plastered to his wet forehead. "No," he said briefly. He vanished back into the steamy bathroom, shutting the door behind him again.

Jamie grinned. Guido couldn't dodge around talking to him about this that easily. There was no way in hell the big lug could avoid him for long -- as Multiple Man, Jamie was VERY good at always being underfoot.

Besides, in about, oh, three seconds, "Strong Guy" was going to discover that Jamie had previously taken the time to filch every single towel from the bathroom.


"I still think this is a bad idea," Guido muttered to the bouquet of flowers nearly hidden my his massive paw, "but what the hell. How much could a jealous boyfriend do to me? Besides ruin my reputation..." He considered that for a moment. "Naah." He politely tapped the call button by the elevator. Nice place, he thought appreciatively -- and this was only the second floor. The young lady lived in the penthouse.

"Hello?" a female voice spoke from the grille.

"Hello, ma'am. I believe I am your date for tonight?"

"Ah. Yes. What's your name, please? Can't be too careful, you know."

"Guido. Just Guido."

There was a slight pause. "Yes, that's what Lorna told me over the phone. Hang on, I'll be right down."

Guido leaned against the wall and prepared to wait. He'd heard that "be right down" line before. It usually meant a little longer than that, but hey, he was patient.


Up above in the apartment, Jennifer took a last glance in the mirror by the door to check her hair. There was one unruly lock hanging right in her eyes, but after a moment's thought she decided to leave it alone there. She never bothered to pin it up on the job, why should she now? This guy would just have to deal with her as she was. Otherwise, he wasn't worth the time.

She smiled wickedly to herself as she grabbed her purse. It was always kinda fun to see how new people reacted to her. It was becoming almost a hobby.

Jennifer wondered briefly if Lorna had told the poor guy how much he knew he was in for. Guido, huh? Sounded big and dumb. But from what little she'd heard of his voice, she suspected that there was more to him than met the ear.

She certainly hoped so.


The elevator door slid soundlessly open, and Guido and Jennifer stood face to face for a long, silent moment.

Which was odd, because Guido stood at 7'1 tall, and he'd never met a women yet who could nearly look him in the eye.

Until now.

"Haven't I seen you on a cover?" he asked at last, stepping aside to let her out of the elevator.

"Once, maybe. Haven't I seen you on the news...? Lorna didn't tell me you were one of her X-Factor teammates. Strong Guy, right?"

"Guido, please."

"Guido." Jennifer smiled. "I thought the name sounded a little familiar."

She held out a hand. He shook it gently in his own massive palm, although he really needn't have worried about harming it. "Well, I'm very pleased to meet you, Miss Walters. May I call you She-Hulk?"

She frowned slightly. "Please, no, not on a date."

"How about 'Shulkie,' then?" Guido asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes behind his heavy glasses.

"God, no. Or I'll start calling you Wise Guy."

"But he's..."

"...my genius brother," they both quipped together. Jennifer laughed and swatted at his shoulder with a finely-manicured green hand which had been known to flatten buildings. "I've heard about your wisecracking, and believe me, I'm prepared."

"Sounds like Jamie was right about you," Guido said.

Jennifer started. "Uh-oh. Jamie...Madrox?"

"Yep. He said you know him?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately. I was in the Fantastic Four and he hung around the F.F. for a while. Shows up at reunions once in a while -- at least, ONE of him does. I still owe him for some spiked punch. But I don't get it, it was Lorna who arranged this...ah. Yes. The little sneak. Probably blackmailed her into doing his dirty work."

Guido shrugged. "More likely he simply annoyed her into it. But this time, I don't think we should him. What do you think?"

"I think," Jennifer said, accepting the flowers he held courteously out to her, "that this is going to be great fun." Out of the blue, she looked up away from him and shook her finger at thin air. "You'd better not be recording this, Byrne -- if Wyatt sees it..."

Guido scratched his head and stared blankly about. "Who are you talking to, Jen?"

She turned an innocent look on him. "Just a friend."

Comprehension dawned on his face. "Ah. Yes, I see. Your writer?"

Jennifer's expression melted into one of unabashed surprise. "You...know...? You understand?!?"

"Of course." He opened the door to the street and held it open for her, insisting upon being a gentleman. "You wouldn't BELIEVE the grief Peter David puts ME through..."

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