Disclaimer: The guys, Jean and Rogue belong to Marvel
Comics. Milli and her brothers belong to me.
Authors notes: This story is for JT, Surisa, Kerri and Leonardo who demanded a sequel to Well..
Hope you like! Oh and thanks to Peri, Maelstrom, Bridget, Debbie and Poi for the
feedback also.
Additional note: If some of you feel like
writing your own sequel to Well.. you won't hear me objecting.
And The Charade Goes On
By Sascha
Part 1
It was breakfast time at the mansion and all the late sleepers had just
crawled out of their beds and stumbled in to the kitchen. Remy had just sat down
with a coffee cup when the phone rang. Jean got up to answer it.
"Bobby!
Phone!" she shouted five seconds later.
Bobby looked up from his frozen
sandwich. "Yeah? Who is it?"
"A Milli something," Jean answered.Bobby
paled and Remy dropped his coffee cup.
"Say again?" Bobby
said.
Jean handed him the phone. "It's a girl named Milli something," she
repeated, looking curiously at him.
Bobby looked at the phone then moved
it, very carefully, up to his ear.
"Hello?" He paled even more. "Oh hi
Milli.. Yeah.. Uh.. No.. I.. What? No.. But.. But.. But.. Eh.. Remy? Well,
he's.. No.. Yes.. I don't.. But..Milli, I.. Yes.. Seven? I don't think.. Yes...
Of course.. Yes.." He put the phone down and looked pleadingly over at Remy who
was shaking his head."Remy?"
"Non, non an' yet again non!"
"But you have to!"
"Na-ah." Remy shook his head and got up from his
chair. He placed his cup and plate in the dishwasher and walked out of the
kitchen.
Bobby followed him. "Please!"
Jean and Rogue looked at
each other, then shrugged and went back to mussing over how much Scott reminded
them of Fox Mulder from X-Files. If he stood in a certain way and the lighting
was dimmed and if you squinted a little with your left eye..Remy slowed down and
turned around to face Bobby. "Non."
"Pretty please? I mean, you've met
her, you know what she's like.." Bobby pleaded.
"Which is exactly *why* I
won' help y'!"
"I'll do the monitor duty for you for the next two weeks!"
Bobby offered.
Remy considered it. "Still not worth it. What is dis about
anyway?"
"Eh," Bobby said. "Um.. Heublewamy," he added.
Remy
blinked. "What?"
"I said: her brothers want to meet you," Bobby repeated
a bit more audibly.
"You have to do it! I don't want to marry her for
christs sake and it's too late to come up with something now..
Please?"
Remy sighed, then shook his head and started walking again.
"It's still not worth it." Bobby trailed along behind him. 'Undoubtingly trying
to come up with an offer I can't refuse', Remy thought. 'And considering how
desperate he is, and how desperate I would be if I were in his situation, he
might actually come up with something. Though I doubt it.'
"I'll pay
you?" Bobby suggested.
"One, I'm not a whore, an' two, I've probably got
more money dan y'anyway."
"Point. Um.. Paint your room?"
"No
t'anks. I like it de way it is."
"Get Rogue to go out on a date with
you?"
"If I thought y'd be able to do it, oui, but y' can'."
"I
can, I can! After you've met Milli's brothers.."
"What do I look like? A
complete idiot?"
"Eh.. " Bobby studied him. "Maybe not. But you have to
do this! If you don't she'll *know* it was a scam and her brothers are going to
kill me. I don't wanna be killed! I like living!"
"Tell her we broke up,"
Remy suggested. They were now outside and was headed towards the garage. Or Remy
was anyway. Bobby was still just trailing along, trying to come up with
something.
"Two days after she met you?" Bobby stared at him in
disbelief. "She's not dumb you know."
"Not so sure about dat. She
believed dat t'ing about you an' me, didn' she?" Remy pointed out.
"Not
until--"
"Please, don' remind me," Remy interrupted. "Why does she wan'
to marry you anyway?"
"I slept with her," Bobby said
matter-of-factly.
Remy stared at him. "Y' slept wit' her an' now she
wants to marry you? You're dat good in de sack?"
"No!"Remy arched an eyebrow at that.
"I mean, yes.. I mean, she's old
fashioned.. Sort of." He frowned. "She says that since I slept with her I have
to marry her, and apparently her brothers think the same way."
"Can' be
dat old fashioned if she slept wit' you," Remy commented.
"Well.." Bobby
looked a bit sheepishly at him.
'Why do I get de feelin' I'm not gonna
like dis?' Remy asked whatever deity that was watching over him at that
moment.
"She wants to have kids, and.." Bobby trailed off, looking
innocently at the garage ceiling.
"Don' tell me y' volunteered to be de
father or somet'in' like dat.."
"Eh-he."
"Y' didn'!" Remy looked at him in shock and decided that no
matter what he said, he was not going to help him get out of this. No
way!
"Not exactly. She came up to me and asked me if I wanted to be the
father of her children. How was I supposed to know she was dead serious?" Bobby
defended himself.
"My head hurts," Remy moaned. He sank down in the
driver's seat of the car. Bobby jumped in on the passenger side.
"I've
noticed somet'in' I'm sure Hank would like to know; de more time I spend wit'
y', de more my head hurts."
"What do I care? I'm *this* close to getting
killed!" Bobby held his hands a couple of inches apart.
'Mon Dieu, my
head hurts. Wonder if he'll go away.. Wonder if I can scare him away..' He
glanced over Bobby and saw the desperate expression on his face. 'Probably not.'
He sighed. "All right. I'll help y'."
"Yipeee!" Bobby shouted and his
face lit up. "You're the best! I'm never going to say another bad thing about
you ever again!" He opened the car door.
"Not so fast," Remy said. Bobby
froze and looked over at him."Sit down."
Bobby sat down."Close de
door."
Bobby closed the door. Remy started the car and drove out of the
garage.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Where are we going?" Bobby asked when they were
about halfway to town.
"First of all," Remy started. "Dis is de absolute
last time I do dis for y', got dat?" Bobby nodded. "Second, no kissing or I'm
out."
"But.." Bobby started.
"I don' care. No kissing, got it?" Remy looked
sternly at Bobby. Bobby nodded.
"Third, y' do de monitor watchin' fer me
de next four weeks." Bobby nodded again.
"Fourth, you're gonna owe me to
de end of time dis time, but I'm sure I'll come up wit' somethin' later on. I
can' come up wit' somethin' right now, though, so dat'll have to wait." Remy
drove the car in to the mall's parking lot and parked it there.
"Now, we
go get rings," he told Bobby as he got out of the car. The key to any successful
pinch was planning, and Remy had decided to that maybe if he treated this
like a pinch about to happen, then maybe this wouldn't feel so .. well, silly.
And not to mention idiotic.
"What?" Bobby looked confused at him.
"Rings?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^
"What about this one?"
"Are y' kiddin' me?"
"Okay. What about this then?"
"No way in hell am I wearin' dat. Not
even for an hour or so," Remy exclaimed and looked with horror at the ring Bobby
held up for him to see.
"Well, this was your idea, not mine! You find
one!" Bobby put the ring back in the case.
The woman behind the counter
looked strangely at him, so Remy grinned at her. He looked down at the rings
displayed and pointed at two of them."D'Accord. What about dose?"
Bobby
followed his finger and looked. He shrugged. "Fine by me." He then saw the
price.
"Are you kidding me? How much money do you really think I
have?"
"Unlimited," Remy answered and grinned at him. "We'll take dose,"
he told the woman who was still looking strangely at them.
"I can't
afford it! Are you listening to me?"
"Non, dat seems to get me in
trouble, so I've decided dat from now on, I'm jus' goin' to ignore you. An' you
can pay me back later," he added as he paid for the rings with his credit
card.
"When did you get a gold card?" Bobby asked
suspiciously.
"When I nicked Warren's," Remy replied and handed Bobby one
of the rings.
"Right size?"
Bobby tried it on. "Yeah." He looked
up. "You nicked Warren's credit card?!"
Remy nodded and slipped the ring
on his finger. "Good t'ing I did too."
"He's gonna kill you!" They walked
out of the jewelry shop.
"Nah, he'll never know dat it's
gone."
"You don't think the bill might make him a little suspicious
then?" Bobby asked sarcastically."Never has before."
"You mean you've..
eh.. borrowed his card before?"
"Yeah. So?"
"..Nothing."
Remy grinned to himself. The card was his, but who said
he couldn't have some fun until he had to meet Milli's brothers? Which reminded
him.. "What do dey look like?" Bobby looked confused at him.
"Who?"
"Milli's brothers?"
"Oh." Bobby paused. "Eh.. Think of a cross between
an American gladiator and Conan - the barbarian."
Remy stopped dead.
"What?!"
"Wasn't kidding when I said they would kill me," Bobby said. He
looked a little amused.
"How many?"
Bobby grinned. "Four. Ted,
Bob, Chris and Jake, if I remember correctly."
'He's crazy,' Remy
decided. 'Absolutely nuts.' "An' what, pray tell, makes you t'ink dey'll won't
kill you anyway even if I do come wit' you?"
"One of them is gay," Bobby
explained. "That's what gave me the idea."
Remy shook his head. "My
headache is gettin' worse," he informed Bobby.
"Sorry."
"I'm sure
y' are. Now, I still don' get your reasonin' here.."
"Well, I just
thought that if she thought I was gay, she couldn't get me to marry her. Follow
me so far?"
Remy nodded and spotted a caf� a couple of feets away. He
started walking towards it. This thing would *really* require some
planning.
"And that worked." He tilted his head slightly. "Not without
some..Well, it worked. And I thought that was it, you know?"
"Yeah, I
know. So did I," Remy answered and sat down in a free chair. He felt this
incredible urge to hide his head in his hands and just sit like that for a
couple of hours until things started making sense again. Bobby sat down across
the table and continued his explanation. "But then she called and told me that
she still wasn't convinced and neither were her brothers, but if we went on a
dinner with them.."
Remy held his hands up in front of him. "Hold it. Are
y' tellin' me we're goin' to a *restaurant*?"
"Did I forget to mention
that earlier?" Bobby asked innocently. Remy glared at him.
"Okay, I'm
sorry, but I knew there was no way you'd agree to this if you knew we were going
somewhere in public, and as I said, I don't wanna get killed," Bobby explained.
"And besides, this would be just as embarrassing for me as it would for you if
the others found out."
"Pro'bly more so," Remy muttered under his breath
and sweared once again that he would never, ever agree to anything Bobby
suggested ever again.
"What?"
"Nothin'." 'This is going to be a
loooong day..'
^^^^^^^^^^^^
"...So where did we fall in love again?" Bobby asked for the
seventh time and Remy *really* wanted to scream. Well, either that or just kill
him himself. The last option was starting to look like the best..
"We
wer' ahready friends an' we wen' 'way fer a vacation to N'awlinsan' dere we fell
in love!"
"Could you repeat that? Your accent is getting worse," Bobby
said.
Remy glared at him. Bobby's eyes widened. "Right. New Orleans.
Got'cha."
"About time." Remy closed him eyes and leaned back in his
chair. They were still sitting at the caf� and Remy's headache was getting worse
by the minute. Bobby, however, seemed to be enjoying himself. 'Sadist,' Remy
thought.
Bobby looked over at him. "Are you okay?"
"Headache," Remy answered
shortly.
"If you're really sick, we could cancel," Bobby
offered.
Remy opened his eyes to glance over at him. "And go through this
again another day? No thanks." He closed his eyes again. Maybe if he couldn't
see him then he could pretend that this whole farce was a
nightmare...
"You don't have to do all the planning, you know," Bobby
said. "I could-"
"Remember who got us into dis in de first place," Remy
interrupted. "Oh. Right."
And then there was silence for a long time. So
long that if Remy hadn't known better, he might have thought that Bobby had got
up and left. Remy opened his eyes. He was right. Bobby was still there, looking
down at the table and creating patterns of ice on his plate. Remy frowned.
"Bobby?"
"Yeah?" He didn't look up."Y' okay?"
"Yeah. Just
thinking."
'Oh no.' "About what?"
Bobby shrugged. "Nothin'."
"Not getting 'nother brilliant idea, are y'?"
Bobby shook his
head.
'Thank you.' "Den what?"
Bobby looked up. "Why do you care?" He was
looking surprised and puzzled at the same time.
"I.." Remy started, then
realized that he wasn't sure what Bobby was asking about. "About
what?"
"About what I'm thinking? Thought you'd decided not to listen to
me anymore."
"I had, but den y' stopped talkin'." Remy wasn't sure he was
following his own line of thought this time.
"So you're saying that all I
had to do to get your attention was to shut up?" Now Bobby was looking oddly at
him."I guess.."
Bobby shook his head. "You're weird, you know
that?"
"I'm starting to lean towards insane myself," Remy muttered. "So
what were you thinkin' about?"
"You, actually."
Remy blinked. "Me?"
Bobby nodded. "Yeah."
Remy was about to ask what Bobby had been
thinking about him when he saw Rogue and Jean coming out of a clothes shop. They
were talking to each other and grinning like maniacs. And they were headed
straight for the caf�. He glanced down at his hand, then tried to get the ring
of his finger. The word being 'tried' here. The ring was stuck. Now, that didn't
have to be a bad thing. He looked over at Bobby. " Can you get your ring
off?"
Bobby looked confused at him. "What?"
"Jeannie and Rogue is
headin' dis way. Can you get your ring off?"
"Oh." He tried to get the
ring off. "Ooops. Maybe they won't notice?"
"C'mon," Remy said and got up
of his chair. "I think it's time we leave dis establishment."
"We could
just tell.." Bobby stopped. "And then we'd never hear the end of it. Let's go!"
He jumped off his chair and they disappeared out of the caf� just as Jean and
Rogue entered it from the opposite entrance.
"What time is it?"
Bobby glanced down at his watch. "Quarter past eleven. Why?"
"An' when's de dinner?"
"Seven."
"Hmm," Remy said. They were sitting in the car - which was still in the
parking lot - and Remy was trying to remember if there was something he had
forgotten. He couldn't come up with anything, but that didn't mean that there
wasn't some little detail he had overlooked.
"Remy?"
"Huh?"
"Do you still have a headache?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I was just thinking.. You should take a pill or something."
"I can't."
Bobby looked at him. "Why not?"
"Medication like dat knocks me out," Remy explained absent minded. He was
going through a checklist in his head, so he wasn't paying much attention to
what Bobby was saying. 'Rings, check. Plausible story, check. Future plans,
check. Clothes, check. No, wait a second.' He looked over at Bobby who was
dressed in a yellow sweater with a South Park print on and blue jeans. "Where
'zacly are we goin'?"
"Going? Oh. Quake. Why?"
"You need to borrow some clothes," Remy said. "I'm not goin' anywhere in
public wit' you dressed de way you usually do."
"Hey, I *like* the way I dress!" Bobby objected.
"I'm sure you do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Bobby asked suspiciously. "Never mind. I
probably don't wanna know," he added a second later.
"Pro'bly not, but I'll tell you anyway." Remy started the car. "Bobby," he
said and drove out of the parking lot. "You are what de women's magazines call a
'fashion disaster'."
Bobby chewed on that for a mile or so. "I'm not," he said finally.
Remy arched his brows.
"Okay, so maybe I am. What's the big deal anyway?" He looked curiously over
at Remy. "I mean, you're taking this awfully serious considering it's only a
scam."
"You want dis to be de end of all dis, neh?"
"Yeah.. Of course I do."
"Den jus' trust me, okay?"
Bobby was quite for a while. "Okay." There was a strange expression on his
face Remy wasn't sure he liked. "Just as long as this gets me away from Milli.."
"It will. If you can play your part, I'll play mine."
^^^^^^^^^^
"Bobby, I think you're startin' to forget one thing here.." Remy said two
hours later when Bobby had tried on, and rejected, almost all the clothes Remy
owned.
"What?" Bobby frowned at his reflection in the mirror. He was dressed in
black pants, a white shirt and a black west with a discrete silver pattern.
Definitely not his usual style. Not Remy's usual style either to tell the truth.
Someone must have given him the vest for Christmas or something.
"I'm helpin' you out here outta de goodness of my heart. Don't make me regret
this more dan I already do." Remy sat down on his bed and studied Bobby
critically. "Dat's not so bad, by de way. Feels like dere's somethin' missing
though."
"Yeah, your looks," Bobby agreed, and then sighed. "Let's face it; we're not
going to find anything that doesn't make me look like a hooker, or a twelve year
old dressing up for Halloween, or a bad copy of you." He turned around to face
him.
Remy stared at him. Then a smile slowly spread on his face and he jumped on
his feet again. "Wait here!" he shouted as he ran out of the room, down the
stairs and in to the kitchen. He looked around with a wild expression in his
eyes. Finally he settled on one of the men present. "Scott!"
Scott froze with the coffee cup half raised up to his mouth. "Huh?"
"I need to borrow dat green jacket of yours. Where is it?"
"In my closet. But what do you.." That was all Remy heard before he was on
his way down to the boathouse to grab Scott's green jacket which he had just
realized would look prefect on Bobby.
Scott exchanged a confused look with Warren. "What was that all about?"
Warren shrugged. "I have no idea." They went back to reading their
newspapers.
Two minutes later.
"Well?" Remy looked at Bobby.
Bobby looked at himself in the mirror. He smiled slowly. "I guess it'll have
to do," he said finally. "By the way, isn't this Scott's jacket?"
Remy nodded. "Yeah it is. Now, I was plannin' to catch some sleep before
we're goin', so.."
"Okay." Bobby disappeared in to the bathroom, then reappeared carrying the
clothes he'd been wearing before. "See you later," he said cheerily before he
left the room.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Remy didn't like Milli's brothers. Mainly because they kept staring at him
like they were visualizing how he would look chopped in to tiny pieces, but also
because one of them kept putting his hand on Remy's thigh. He wasn't
particularly fond of Bobby at the moment either. He was sitting there, smiling
and chatting amiably with Milli. Without even wincing once! And he had only been
here for ten minutes. Remy's headache was returning with full force.
He batted Milli Brother #3's hand away. It wasn't that he couldn't take on
Milli's brothers in a fair fight (of course 'fair fight' in Remy's eyes included
use of his kinetic power and bo-staff), it was more that he couldn't do it now.
And he really wanted to punch that S.O.B. that kept grinning at him like a
shark.
Remy glared at Bobby again. Maybe if he kept up with the glaring Bobby would
notice and finally realize that the longer they stayed at the restaurant, the
more in debt he was going to be. By now, Remy estimated his debt to reach over
at least three lifetimes.
"..Why settle for a scrawny guy like that when you can have
*me*?" Milli Brother #3 asked. For the fourth time or so. "I
mean, really, why?"
"He's nicer dan you are," Remy answered, which was true. Normally Bobby was
quite nice. Except when he was pissed off at Remy because of Rogue or when he
tricked (Remy wasn't sure how, but by now he had decided that Bobby had
somehow tricked him in to this) people in to doing completely idiotic things.
"But I can be nice," Milli Brother #3 leered.
Remy sank deeper into the chair he was sitting in. 'This is just perfect.
Just perfect!' He was never doing Bobby a favor ever again. 'Hmm..
Maybe I can punch him out later..'
"You really are *lovely* today," Milli told Bobby. "Are you
*quite* sure you *don't* want to marry
*me*?"
"Well, you know," Bobby said. "I can't."
"Because of *Remy*?" The last word was said with clear
distaste.
"Eh.. Yeah. Right, Remy?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Remy replied sourly. That was the n-th time she had
said that. He removed Milli Brother #3's hand from his thigh again.
"Wanna dance?" Milli Brother #3 asked with another leer. Milli Brother #1 and
#2 glared at him. Milli Brother #4 grinned in a way that told Remy with all
possible clarity that he'd just come up with a new way to kill either Remy or
Bobby. Remy wasn't quite sure. Milli Brother #4 seemed to dislike both of them.
"Non."
"Oh c'mon! I'm sure *Bobby* won't mind," Milli Brother #3
said. They both looked over at Bobby who turned red.
"Eh..Well. Um. See..Eh..That..eh..um.." Bobby said.
Remy rolled his eyes. "What he's tryin' to say is dat he'll mind.
*Right*?"
Bobby nodded. "Right."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
'Okay, that's it!' Remy more or less jumped of his chair and stalked
out of the restaurant, barely remembering to grab his jacket. Well out on the
pavement he started walking, almost hoping - not, scratch 'almost' - that one of
the Milli Brothers was coming after him. It didn't necessarily have to be #3,
though that would definitely make him feel better. Much better. All he asked for
was just one of them to knock out. Was that really too much to ask for? He had
after all stayed there for a whole half hour.
"Remy! Hey! Remy! Wait up!" Bobby came running after him. "You were gonna
*leave* me in there? What kind of friend are you?" he said
accusingly when he came to a halt behind him.
Remy turned around. "Friend? Dat's a new one. And besides you seemed to be
enjoyin' yourself."
"Enjoying myself? Have you lost your mind? Oh and I'm sorry about what Chris
did.." Remy couldn't believe it was possible to turn as red as Bobby was at this
minute. "I mean, really. I didn't.. I mean, if I'd known he was that .. um..
forward, I'd have traded place with him. No matter how much Milli scares the
living hell outta me."
"She scares me too," Remy admitted reluctantly. He suddenly found himself
grinning at Bobby. "Let's get de hell outta here before her brothers decide to
follow you. Dat is, did dey look like dey were about to follow you?" he
asked hopefully. He realized that they should probably be going, but just one
punch...
Bobby shook his head. "Nope."
"Merde. Oh well, let's go den."
"I'm with'cha." Bobby flashed him a grin as they started walking towards the
car. "And that takes care of the Milli situation, as Scott would say. Or so I
hope."
Remy shuddered at the thought of another encounter with Milli - and her
brothers. 'It's been kind of fun though. Bobby really is kind of..' He
spent the drive back to the mansion telling himself that he was not that far
away from turning thirty and that that in itself was bad enough without him
getting attracted to guys all of a sudden. Not that he was, mind you. Not at
all.
~end~
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