Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Characters mentioned are property of Marvel Comics. I do not own these characters and no profit is being made by this work.

Rating: G (or as G as a m/m slash story can be at any rate)

Archive, Feedback: Archivers just ask me or Dodger since this is technically her story. LOL Feedback is appreciated and always replied to.




Dodger’s Story:
Pirates, Pyramids, and ‘pocalypse
By Shade



I’m sure that the salty sea air would be nice if I wasn’t trying to keep my head attached to my body. Fortunately, I have Remy along. Wait. That’s not exactly true. He has me along, again. Why do I let him drag me on these stupid adventures? The last time travelling jaunt should have cured me of the habit. This time though, Remy was smart enough not to mention that we were time travelling. Jerk.

I duck as a cutlass swings past my head for what must be the twentieth time. Again I ask myself, Jake Gavin, Jr., what are you doing on a pirate ship with Remy LeBeau?

“Kill the woman, she’s bad luck!” one of the toothless masses yells. I hear Remy curse something, I think it was a curse, under his breath. Well, it’s not my fault this time. I told him I couldn’t stay in my male form for that long. Not since he got me mixed up with Mr. Sinister. That only reminds me of how bad these silk panties are riding up. I must admit being a woman has its advantages. Silk and satin panties are the bomb!

Unfortunately, they also seem to want to climb to higher heights.

I grab the back of Remy’s white cotton shirt. He’s decked out in full pirate form, and I must admit it does look nice on him. The billowy white shirt is open in the front. The oh so tight black pants that hug his nice rear just so, those thigh high black leather boots, and of course the sword, can’t forget the sword. He’s currently using it to hold off what appears to be the entire ship. All in all, Remy makes an awfully hot pirate. This, of course, just makes me madder. I wish I looked that good.

I suppose I do in my own way. I mean I am a pretty sexy female. I must be for Remy to keep hitting on me when he knows I’m a guy. Sword! Ah! OK, mind on the situation Jake!

“Dis femme is mine and I sure ain’t gonna let you throw her off the ship! I paid good money for her!”

“WHAT?” I scream and Remy gives me one of those patented ‘shut up Jake’ looks.

Suddenly, a booming voice quiets the crew. The captain is staring down at us from the raised stern. He’s looking at me like I’m the sirloin special. I try not to gag.

“The lass stays. Our guest paid for his passage with enough gold to let me over look superstition.”

Remy nods gravely at the captain and next thing I know he’s whisking me back to our cabin. It’s just occurred to me that I never got whisked anywhere when I was a man.


***


“Well that was nearly a disaster!”

“Yeah, an’ who’s fault do you t’ink dat would have been, homme?”

“OH NO! Don’t you look at me! I told you that I couldn’t maintain my male form that long. And I will be nice and not mention who’s fault that is.”

I watch as one of his eyebrows arches toward his hairline.

“What?”

“Jake, dis bein’ a woman… Are you sure you don’t have PMS or somet’ing? You bein’ awfully bitchy. Nah, you’re always dat way.”

“Oh, ha ha. You’re such a comedian,” I say ruefully and suddenly remember my underwear. I pull up my Spanish style skirt and adjust them. The grin I catch on Remy’s face makes me want to scream. He is looking at my legs with this wolfish gleam in his eye. “Stop it!”

“Just lookin’ chere. No harm in dat.”

“Wanna bet? I can think of all sorts of things to do with that sword of yours. Then you and I will be in the same boat, per say.” I’d never really be able to back up that threat. I’ve seen Remy fight, and I wouldn’t have a chance. “And don’t call me chere!” I add.

Instead of arguing further I decide to check out our accommodations for the next few weeks. The room is small, which is understandable, but there is only one bed.

“There’s only one bed.”

“When d’ya learn to count?”

“Oh shut up! Where are you going to sleep?”

“Dere,” he says motioning to the bed.

“No you’re not.”

“Oui, I am.” “What about me? I’m not sleeping on the floor. This junk ship probably has rats!” Remy looks at me with that same gleam in his eye and just shrugs.

“No. Absolutely not. I happen to know where you have been, and no.” He laughs at me. I hate it when he does that. Well sleeping on the floor is out. I guess I have no alternative. I’m going to have to sleep in the bed… with the sword.

I wake up and realize I haven’t been this comfortable in ages. A real feather bed can do wonders for time travel jet lag and everything else that ails you. I’m so warm and, well, the only word to describe it is snuggly. It takes me almost a full minute to realize that there is someone spooning up to me. I recognize Remy’s distinct musky smell. I am a little disturbed. Not by the fact that I smell Remy, but that I kind of like it. Ever since I’ve been in this feminine body, I’ve become much more observant.

Little things that I never noticed about Remy have become so… charming. I must still be sleepy to be thinking like this.


***


We’ve been at sea forever it seems like. We should be landing in North Africa today. I’ve been to Egypt several times, but never in the sixteenth century. We’re landing in Alexandria, and traveling down the Nile to Cairo and Giza. Remy told me that there is an Alexandria in Louisiana. He’s been very open these past few weeks. It’s so unlike him.

I roll over and nudge him. He opens one red and black eye before closing it again.

“Wake up. I’m bored.”

“You’re always bored,” he mumbles.

“Well you’re not very entertaining company.” He opens both eyes at that remark. His arm is still around me and I feel a practiced hand slide down to my thigh.

“Well if you’d put out, Remy t’ink dat he’d be much better company.”

“Quit it.”

“Jake, are you blushing?”

“I am not!”

“I t’ink maybe you are.” Suddenly, he is way to close. I can feel his breath on my ear and neck.

“Remy, in case you have forgotten, I am a man, in spirit if not in body.”

“Mm hmm,” he mumbles and pulls me closer. The tip of his nose brushes my cheek and for some reason my toes curl.

A hoarse cry from the deck above saves me. “LAND HO!”


***


“Couldn’t you have gotten two camels?”

“I wasted enough money on de ship ride over here.”

“Well if your buddy Cable had been able to send us to the right place.”

Remy sighed, “Cable isn’t my ‘buddy.’ In fact, I don’ t’ink he’s anyone’s buddy.”

“Why are we on this trip again?”

“We have to get dis t’ingy from one of Apocalypse’s old hang outs.”

“Well why couldn’t your X-buddies go? Why us?” I cross my arms in a huff. Remy’s grip around my stomach tightens as the camel lurches towards our destination on the outskirts of Giza. We’ve already seen the pyramids and the Sphinx. It was one of my greater life experiences. The pyramids and the Sphinx looked so much better before the pollution and wars got to those amazing relics.

Down the Nile there are some cliffs with caves and tombs carved into their faces. It is one of these that we are heading for. Remy maneuvers the camel into a small valley in the short cliff walls. At the head of the valley an impressive temple is carved into the stone.

“I’ve seen this movie. We’re not after the Holy Grail are we?”

“Non, you’d be a much sexier, blonde German if we were.”

“Well you’re no Harrison Ford, yourself.”

Remy snorts and sits the camel down. Once inside the temple he leads me to a small back room.

“It’s empty,” I say, but he ignores me. Remy is in full thief mode. He quietly pries up a large, square stone in the floor. With my help, he moves it out of the way. There’s only darkness down the hole. Remy pulls on a set of night vision goggles. I straddle the hole with a rope tied around my waist. Slowly I lower Remy down to do his stuff. His weight disappears off of the rope so I move over to the edge and sit down. After about six minutes the hole lights up and I see Remy’s face looking up at me.

“Come on down.”

“If I come down there, how are we supposed to get back out?”

“T’rough a time portal back ‘ome.”

“Oh.”

Remy stands in position to catch me as I hop through the hole. Needless to say, we end up a heap in the floor.

“Get off me, Jake.”

“Some thief! You can’t even catch!”

“I’m tellin’ you, get off me, Jake.”

I start to yell back, but the room we’re in catches my eye. It looks like something out of a science fiction movie. Everything is steel and shiny. There are computers with Arabic scrawls all over them. “What the hell?”

“I told you. Dis is one of Apocalypse’s hang outs.”

“He’s got a time travel device down here?”

“Yup.”

“Why did we have to travel back in time then?”

“Dis temple gets destroyed in ‘bout two years. Dere’s some kind of earthquake or rockslide. De temple gets buried. De past was de only way we could get access.”

“Why didn’t Cable come?”

“He didn’t t’ink dat ‘e could get past de security system. If it’s set off, den de whole place gets transported to Limbo.”

“Why did you need me? You could have done this whole thing yourself!”

“Oui, but den you wouldn’t ‘ave gotten fixed.”

“Fixed?”

“Get off of me an’ I’ll show you.”

I stand up slowly and watch Remy point to the next room. It’s relatively empty except for a column of light with a small cube floating on one of its points. “Is that it? All this for a glowing rubix cube?”

“Come on, Jake, next room.”

“Alright what did you mean by fix?”

Remy walked toward a low platform with a computer console in front of it as he began to explain. “You remember ‘bout ‘ow I tol’ you dat Angel got turned into Death by Apocalypse?”

“Yes, he’s mad at you about it for some reason, right?”

“Yeah… Anyway, ‘e got metal wings an’ ‘is skin was turned blue. Dis machine ‘ere can change people’s DNA. Dat’s ‘ow Sinister knows so much ‘bout dat stuff. ‘e used to work fo’ Apocalypse.”

“Wait. You mean this machine can make me a guy again?!?” Remy nods at me with a smile. “And you brought me here because you knew this was here?” Another nod answers my question. Suddenly, I realize whom I’m with.

“Hold it. Do you know how to use this thing? I don’t want to end up worse off than I am already. I mean, look what happened during your last masterplan.”

“Just shut up an’ get on de platform,” Remy says merrily. He steps toward me and pulls me into his arms. I barely take a breath before he kisses me full on the lips. I’m in too much shock to stop him from moving me to the platform.

“But I… but we… I’ll be a man again. We couldn’t… I mean… Remy.”

“Jake. You t’ink dat makes any difference to me? All we done is flirt since we first met. You were a guy den, if you recall.”

“We didn’t flirt we argu…. I’ll be damned. We did. Hell, we still do! Why didn’t you….”

“I didn’t know you well enough befo’, den you were Jackie an’ I knew dat you’d be to nervous to try anyt’ing like dat. Now though… who knows. We see ‘ow it goes.” I nodded silently. “You blushin’ again.”

“I am n….” My rebuke is cut off as Remy powers up the machine. Just as in Sinister’s lab, my body turns into a lump of goo. Slowly my body rebuilds itself into my original male form. Smoke pours off my skin as I loose consciousness.


***


I’m shook awake as my body lands hard against the ground. A heavy weight slams on top of me knocking the breath from my lungs. I cough a few times and open my eyes. Remy is on top of me cursing under his breath.

“Nice of you guys to make it back,” I hear a voice say above us.

“’ere’s your t’ingy Cable. Now shut up and give me a ‘and.”

I’m too busy trying to keep down my lunch to make my own comment. A couple of dry swallows and I win the battle. Remy’s hand wraps around my arm pulling me to my feet. “You okay, Jake?”

“For this embarrassing, frightening, shocking, and insane trip, you owe me dinner,” I say and head for the door. “Eight o’clock. You know where I live. Formal dress. I’ll make reservations.”

He begins to speak and I hold up my hand to silence him. “Not one word. Not one.” A smile and a wink from him lets me know that I’m understood. Maybe after dinner he can really make it up to me.

As I walk down the hall I hear Cable’s voice again.

“Remy, why was that guy wearing a dress?”



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