Enclosed is your wallet, which you left behind when you fled the ramen shop. I’m curious on why you ran away so quickly. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Hopefully, next time we meet, our conversation won’t be cut so short.

Why did you leave, anyway?

Respectfully yours, Hatake Kakashi

!-!-!

To Hatake Kakashi

Thank you for returning my wallet. I’d forgotten to feed my fish.

Until next time.

Sincerely, Umino Iruka

!-!-!

Dear Iruka

I saw you again, at the ramen shop, and this time you left your grade book. Did you forget to feed your fish again?

Enclosed, a copy of my book. Hope you enjoy.

Entirely, Kakashi

!-!-!

To Hatake Kakashi

Enclosed, the remains of your book. I’d appreciate it if you’d return mine.

Best regards, Umino Iruka

!-!-!

Dearest Iruka

I’m afraid I’m holding your book hostage. I’ll return it, if and when you meet me at the ramen shop for a friendly meal. I’ll even pay.

Irrevocably, Kakashi

!-!-!

To Whom It May Concern

My ears did not blush. And wasn’t it immature of you to read that book out in public, where children could overhear you?

And I’m still waiting for my book.

Sincerely, Umino Iruka

!-!-!

My Darling Iruka

Enclosed, your book. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.

Until next time, Kakashi

!-!-!

To Kakashi

Apology accepted.

Have you seen Naruto lately? He keeps complaining about you never showing up on the bridge. Maybe you should concern yourself with your team?

Sincerely, Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Of course I show up on the bridge. Occasionally.

Ramen tonight?

Kakashi

!-!-!

Dear Kakashi

Do you ever feel like you’re a little too informal?

Ramen would be wonderful. I’m off at 7:00.

Sincerely, Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Did you mean 7:00 that night?

And stop throwing things at me.

Completely, Kakashi

!-!-!

Completely Kakashi

Do you always show people up?

And stop blocking when I throw things at you.

Iruka

!-!-!

Dear Iruka

I just wanted to tell you before anyone else. Sasuke is gone, and Team 7 has been dissolved. I thought you should know, since they were your students. Sakura is training with the Hokage, and Naruto will be leaving to train with Jiraiya. Many apologies.

Sincerely, Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

You have nothing to apologize for. You did as much as you could, and that was more than anyone else. The children are growing up, and they’re bound to make their own choices.

Would you like to talk over ramen tonight? 7:00?

Iruka

!-!-!

Kakashi

Well, that was interesting. If you could return my pants, I’d really appreciate it.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Last night was fun. Enclosed, your pants. I washed them, but there were some stains that wouldn’t come out. I suggest you don’t wear them in public anymore.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

You owe me a new pair of pants.

Ramen tonight? I can get off by 5:00.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Would you please return my underwear?

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Stop groping me, or your underwear goes up on the Hokage’s monument.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

As requested, I stopped groping. And did you steal all my underwear? I’d appreciate a pair or two. I’m starting to chafe.

Kakashi

P.S. Ramen tonight? I’ll pay.

!-!-!

Kakashi

No, I didn’t steal your all of your underwear. I think Anko got the rest.

How about we skip the ramen?

Iruka

!-!-!

Little Iruka

It just occurred to me. Why am I uke, when I’m taller than you?

Much love, Big Kakashi

!-!-!

Dear Kakashi

Go to hell, you bastard.

Sincerely, Iruka

!-!-!

Dearest darlingest Iruka

Sorry?

Enclosed, my first-edition copy of Icha Icha Paradise, vol. 1, signed and numbered by the author, as an apology.

Entirely yours, Kakashi

!-!-!

Entirely Mine

Apology accepted. Again.

Enclosed, your book. I appreciate the thought, but I don't really want it.

I’m tired of ramen. Want to go out for sake?

Iruka

!-!-!

Kakashi

Stop laughing, damnit. So I can’t drink, so what? And I’m not a funny drunk.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Stop throwing pointy things at me?

Enclosed, the last five kunai you threw at me. I lost the rest.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

It’s been what, nearly three months since we went out for “ramen”? I was just thinking…

You spend more time at my apartment than you do at yours, so what if you just moved in? Rent would be half, and we’d both save money and time. Is this too forward of me?

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Will you stop disappearing every time I see you? I thought it was a great idea. Less rent, more sex. Best idea since the Icha Icha Movie.

Kakashi

P.S. I started moving in my book collection. Hope you don’t mind?

!-!-!

Kakashi

You unplugged the alarm clock again, and I was late. And don’t walk around naked, it’s distracting, and I’m already behind in work. I have to grade papers tonight.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

It just occurred to me, you don’t have a fish. So why did you run away the first time we met?

Heart, Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Did you really write out “heart”?

And did I say I had a fish? Huh. Funny thing, that.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

You found me! I’m a note, in your bento.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Iruka

I’m another note, in another bento.

Think fast!

Kakashi, who should be molesting you by now.

!-!-!

Dangit, Kakashi!

I was horny through all of my afternoon classes.

Grudgingly, Iruka

!-!-!

Dear Iruka

I’m sorry about not being here when you get home, but I just got a mission. I’ll be gone for about a month. Take care.

Sincerely, and with love, Kakashi

!-!-!

Iruka

Just a note to let you know I’m back. Off to debriefing. Hope to be home before you, but just in case.

Kakashi, who wants to be molesting you

!-!-!

Kakashi

You were sleeping when I got home. I’m glad you’re home. Had to run off for parent-teacher meetings, but there’s food in the fridge.

Iruka

!-!-!

Kakashi

Thank you for the fish. He’s very fish-like.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Off to drink with Genma and Raidou. Would invite you along, but I don’t want you to get molested. Raidou’s like that, you know.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

If you’re reading this, then you lost your key again. You’re a ninja, just go through the window.

Iruka

!-!-!

Kakashi

If you’re reading this, you came through the window. Good boy.

Off on a mission. There’s food in the fridge. Should be back by the weekend.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

So you’re awake? Tsunade kicked me out of the hospital. Something about visiting hours.

How are you feeling?

Enclosed, food.

See you soon.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

How embarrassing. I don’t even want to see you right now.

To think. I get home from the mission, perfectly fine, and get taken down by a student’s kunai. I want to hide in a hole for the rest of my life. The other teachers will never let me live it down.

Thank you for the ice cream, but I'm not sure it constitutes as real food. Tsunade says I’m getting released tomorrow.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

I stopped by, but you were sleeping.

Konohamaru sends along his apologies, as well as the now infamous kunai.

I’ll stop by tomorrow to take you home. Don’t want anymore errant students armed with kunai to harm our good teacher, do we?

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Had to run off for early morning classes. We have parent-teacher meetings, and then we’re dividing up the students for teams, so I won’t be home till late.

The rent’s on the counter, so would you get it to the landlady? And don’t forget, it’s your turn to do the laundry.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

Off on another mission. Short one this time, I should be back by tomorrow. Sorry, but I didn’t finish the laundry.

Enclosed, a box of pocky.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Working late again. And by the way, I know you went out drinking with Genma for your "mission." I work in the mission room, remember?

Enclosed, detergent.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

You made your point. I did the laundry, so you can stop sleeping in the teachers’ lounge. Next standoff, I’m winning.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Of course you’ll win. And next time, can you wait until I’m actually in the apartment to try and get into my pants? The neighbors are complaining again. And I’m late for classes. Again.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

You forgot your lunch.

Mom

!-!-!

Kakashi

Please, don’t. Anything but that.

Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

I’m sorry.

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Why don’t you ever get mad? I do just as many things wrong as you, but you’re the only one who apologizes. I treat you like crap, and you’re still here. Why don’t you yell, just for once, so I can say I’m sorry?

Iruka

P.S. I’m staying at Anko’s for a few days. She just got released from the hospital, and she needs someone to stick around for a while.

!-!-!

Iruka

Damnit, why don’t you ever tell me anything?

Was that better? Angry enough? I thought the cursing was a nice touch, myself.

Give my best to Anko, and I’ll be sure to be angry when you get home.

Angry Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

I’m coming home tomorrow, so you can stop sitting outside Anko’s apartment. And yes, I know about the impromptu drinking party. Genma told me.

Iruka

!-!-!

My Iruka

Just heard through the grapevine that you have a mission this weekend. Why didn’t you tell me?

Kakashi

!-!-!

Kakashi

Possessive much?

If you see Anko, tell her that her snitching ass is dead when I get back. Should be home by next week.

Your Iruka

!-!-!

Iruka

I’m a note, on a fridge!

Anko’s waiting for her imminent death. I missed you just by a few hours, but I’m glad you’re home, and I should be back in a few weeks. Want to go out for ramen when I get back?

Kakashi